Absolutely certain that their hazy imaginings of being Someone Significant in a bright sunny place somehow are a sign from above, and further that they give some level of profound insight into Egyptian culture and religion that is not to be found or even confirmed in any work of Egyptology. Wants to be called Cleo.
Decided that Arnold Vosloo was so attractive that it had to be a religious experience. Prone to taking use-names somewhat randomly from pop culture Egyptiana, denies vigorously that the name is at all related to the movie/book/whatever in question. Drama-prone, for some unknown reason.
Believes the pyramids were built by either aliens or people from Atlantis as part of some vast conspiracy to confuse moderns, using technology that was so advanced that no trace or evidence for it got accidentally dropped behind the couch. A subset of these believe that the gods were, in fact, the space aliens.
While at least these are not of the opinion that ancient humans were unable to leave dramatic accomplishments behind without the assistance of either supermen or aliens, their complete reversal of the tropes of the Space Alien Fetishists is not an improvement. These believe that all wisdom, esoteric knowledge, insight into the universe, and spiritual potency was held by ancient Egypt and May Never Be Recovered (except, perhaps, by the holy disciples who have preserved a few tiny threads of that vast collection of lore through the ages in their secret texts, and might be willing to consider teaching it to you, you! for only twenty-three low monthly payments of $89.99).
Death. Death! Egypt was all about DEATH! Dead people, dead people, dead people. Funerary techniques. Fancy-ass enbalming. Big whacking monumental tombs. Death death death death death! Apparently, this impression means that it is obligatory to wear black clothes, black lipstick, write angstful poetry about the still corpse of Osiris, rent and drifting upon the waters of the Nile, and wear ankh jewelry because that's what Death does in Sandman and it's, y'know, kinda Egypty.
Feels that it is important to point out Egypt is in Africa. Africa! and thus that its truths can only be revealed to those of the true blood, the true heritage, the people whose ancestors came from somewhere in Africa! Where in Africa doesn't really matter, mind, but those annoying white people should not touch the holy thing lest they contaminate it with pasty paleness.
Of the opinion that the roots of Western civilization lie in Egypt. The Greeks admired them and considered them the holders of secret wisdom. The marks of Egypt are in the heritage of the Hebrews. These are the roots of all that is good and holy. Thus, skipping a few connections somewhere along the way, this type concludes that it could not have been done by brown people. No amount of pointing at the iconography, the evidence of scientific studies, or even the Nubian import gods like Bes will convince them that anyone with significant quantities of skin melanin was involved with anything important.
Came across an Egyptian festival calendar on the web, picked out things that fell near the solstices, equinoxes, and cross-quarters, and calls that a festival calendar. Finds ways of squeezing things in so that they almost make sense in a temperate climate, if one ignores things like the fact that the Mysteries of Wesir (Osiris) (celebrated in late autumn for the northern hemisphere) is a planting festival. Often slips and calls these festivals by Wiccan names or, worse, refers to a Sabbat/Festival (as if they were just alternate names for each other, with the same significance). Unable to explain the significance of Sirius to the Egyptian calendar even with a hint book.
All goddesses are one goddess, and most of those are Isis. Syncretic forms have no rhyme or reason or historical background, or are based on entirely tenuously founded connections (like "Bast has a cat head and Sekhmet has a lion head, so Bast is the nice version of Sekhmet!"). My utter favorite of things related to these was the statue I saw labelled as the triple goddess Bast-Isis-Sekhmet or something like that.
These tend to be cute and perky and utterly unable to say anything about Bast other than "Cat goddess! Cat goddess!" When asked what else Bast does, the particularly adept ones will be able to supply "protector of the home and family"; none seem to have managed to stumble across "rips the hearts out of people who offend against ma'at and lays them at the feet of the king", however. A few have replaced that missing fact with a "goddess of sexual licentiousness", however.
Because, y'know, gods who are associated with death and the netherworld are spooky and dangerous and good for street credit as someone who is real tough, at least among those people who have never met Yinepu, His gentle devotion, or His sense of humor. Some of these are fixated on Wesir instead, but a humaniform god doesn't have the panache of that menacing black dogginess, right?
Believes that dealing with Set means that violence, threats, and generally being a jerk are acceptable religious behaviour. Explains this with justifications drawn from a Manichean need for a God Of Eeeee-vile or the Greek rewriting of the Egyptian myths. Only knows the myth of the death of Osiris, tells it gleefully and in graphic detail. Wouldn't know Apophis if it bit him on the ass.
He's the recon counterpart to the insta-priestess found in eclectic Wicca. She's called "IRAB" or "I Read a Book." He did better than read a book, he took a class. One class. Somewhere in the annals of his college education, he went into a darkened lecture hall and stepped out as the second coming of Jan Assmann. Able to hold forth for hours on the proper interpretation of X set of obscure hieroglyphs, and more importantly, why everyone else gets it wrong. Especially notable for never mentioning the name or credentials of his professor, as the important part is the Fount of Wisdom created in the Instant Egyptologist with the granting of those three credits.
Invariably attracted to Sekhmet and Anubis, and when we say attracted, we mean it. Would have been Wiccan, possibly even some Celtophilic Wiccan, were it not for the Egyptian gods having sexy bodies and, ooh, animal heads! Can't tell you a whole lot about the history and mythology of either deity, but can regale you for hours with erotic dreams about Them. Oh, and did they show you their online gallery of furry deity art? They either feature Sekhmet with tits the size of pyramids, or Anubis with more muscles than Superman. Occasionally has a jones for Set, but this is a somewhat rarer species of Furry Religionist.
This one is the bastard child of the Reincarnated Priest(ess) and Furry Religionist. They existed in Ancient Egypt, and while there, they became the One True Wuv of one of the gods. Not only do they think they once fucked a god, but surely you did, too. (It's only normal, you see.) Telling them otherwise, or mentioning that the whole idea of spiritual parents and Deity Lovers doesn't exist in the same religion, sends them into a tailspin of frothing, capslock-abusing rage. Thankfully this is a rare subspecies, but at least five or six of them have been spotted in the wild.
We're not entirely sure what this lot is on about. Vaguely related to Reincarnated Priest(ess), this one mishes together Egyptophilia, space aliens, Native Americans, and various and sundry bits of New Age faradiddle. They write prolifically, too bad none of it is even remotely comprehensible in English. Congregates at psychic fairs and natural health expos and will offer you a special rate on having Isis re-align your chakras if you ask-- and even if you don't ask.
They haven't just taken classes, they teach them. Grand high poobahs of modern Egyptian religion, they've published books, rented conference centers, and may even have a throne or two. They're also quite good at this, after all, they make a living at it! Are perfectly happy to teach you all about Egyptian religion through a seemingly unending series of courses. This knowledge can be yours, at only $1,000,000 per class-- VISA/Mastercard/paypal accepted, installment plans available. As there are at least three or four of these currently, heavy market saturation means strong competition and, every few months or so, bouts of open warfare usually consisting of e-board trolling and pointed accusations of inflated credentials.
And Five More Species, from Hesyt Mehen